


And we'll run for our lives

by only_freakin_donuts



Category: Jane the Virgin (TV)
Genre: ?????, F/F, Free Verse Poetry or something, Prose Poem, Stick with it, Witness Protection, fake identity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 22:00:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 3,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14839940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/only_freakin_donuts/pseuds/only_freakin_donuts
Summary: And then there was Manhattan, a city where everyone wore some sort of mask, including them.Simply: An AU in which Luisa has to go into the WITSEC program, aka witness protection/security, due to her connections with Rose. She moves to New York City with a new identity. Of course, that isn't the end of the greatest love story ever told though, they've survived weirder and worse.(Canon up until the season 4 midseason. 4B doesn't exist here.)





	1. Laura

**Author's Note:**

> I. Don't. Know. What this is. I just know it felt right writing it.
> 
> At the end of November, I fell into a downwards spiral with my anxiety, worst I'd ever been in at that point. And putting two words together on a page seemed to be impossible. I had this idea in my head of Luisa having to go into WITSEC and I just started jotting things down about her new identity... and then it turned into some form of free verse poetry? It seemed to work better for me than normally formatted writing. And it just felt *good* to write, it made me happy. So I did it. Even if it was weird.
> 
> And over the next few months, even when I got out my slump, I wrote eight more parts to it! I hope you guys can enjoy reading it like I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> (And idk about this title I've changed it like 100 times...)

Laura Marie Gomes.  
Age 40.  
Upper East Side, Manhattan; a city so easy for a girl to hide in.  
Obstetrician/Gynecologist.  
Tan skin, brown eyes,  
brown hair, long to her waist with bangs,  
super cute dimples.  
5 feet 3 inches tall.  
Born on November 24th. 

She grew up in New York City, has lived here her whole life.  
Went to NYU on a full ride scholarship and graduated near the top of her class.  
A hard worker, daughter of a single mom, she was raised to hustle.  
Lost her mother to cancer, lost her brother because she drank him away.  
She drank an ex wife away too,  
and a lot of possibilities.  
She’s in AA now, carries a dark blue chip in the pocket of her lab coat.  
She can’t cook.  
She can’t sing.  
She doesn’t like to fly. 

A woman claiming to be Susanna Barnett shows up on her doorstep one day,  
and her three years of innovation have suddenly come to a halt.  
She offers her a sleeve of powdered donuts,  
and says she’s looking for Luisa Alver.  
But Luisa Alver isn’t here;  
as far as anyone knows, she’s in a wellness centre in Hialeah, Florida.  
She’s gone crazy. She isn’t allowed any visitors.  
Luisa Alver took her last breath the day Laura Gomes took her first.  
Laura rose from Luisa’s ashes, stole her thunder, and her feet.  
But nobody knows that. 

Susanna spent the past three years looking for someone she knew may not still exist.  
She didn’t pray, but if she did, she was just praying she wasn’t dead;  
that she was just playing hide and seek.  
She’d play along, she had the time and the patience, she could chase a ghost.  
Lord knows that ghost had chased her before;  
That ghost never stopped chasing her.  
That ghost got her through prison, hell, and high water,  
taught her how to love and be loved.  
Luisa, or whatever her name may be now, had never, ever given up on her.  
So she couldn’t give up now.

Even if she was the reason this all began,  
the reason that the love of her life was dead,  
replaced by a callous, cold doctor with blunt bangs.  
Luisa, worn but warm, would’ve been killed if she’d stayed in Hialeah.  
And she was.  
Laura took her place.  
Laura Marie Gomes.


	2. Anhedonia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anhedonia: loss of the capacity to experience pleasure, inability to gain pleasure from normally pleasurable experiences.
> 
> Luisa Alver no longer existed.

They said it was called anhedonia and that it was a side effect of her medication.  
She called it staring at a wall for thirteen hours straight  
and not remembering the last time she showered.  
Carl was gone, though she now knew that he was never really there,  
she didn’t care.  
He left her all damn fucking alone in this place.  
How could he?

It wasn’t a wellness center, the brochure lied.  
It was a psychiatric hospital, it was defeat.  
It made her miss human connection.  
It made her miss her mom.  
It made her miss Rose.

But she still didn’t want visitors, she didn’t care who they were.  
A man came in anyways.  
He introduced himself as a US Marshal and said they had to leave.  
She was pretty sure he wasn’t real.  
But he insisted that he was,  
and that they had to leave.  
Right now.

She wasn’t allowed to take anything personal with her, like pictures or anything like that.  
She didn’t have any with her anyways.  
Except for that one, the one of her and Rose,  
but they didn’t need to know about that one.  
They found it when they got to Washington  
(She didn’t remember how they got there, she fell asleep in Florida and woke up in DC).  
They insisted she get rid of it, and it made her upset because she didn’t understand. 

The bottom line was;  
Someone was trying to hurt her,  
because it was the only way to truly hurt Rose.  
Which, for the record, was true.  
Anyone who knew Rose, even those who didn’t,  
knew that Luisa was the only thing that meant something to her.  
She was where Rose drew the line,  
even though Sin Rostro didn’t draw lines.

So, if she wanted to wake up tomorrow morning, she had to disappear.  
All she had to do was leave,  
they’d take care of the rest.  
And they did.  
Luisa Alver no longer existed.  
She didn’t get a last meal, she didn’t get goodbyes, she didn’t get last rites,  
she just simply ceased to exist as of now.  
She couldn’t be sure of who took Luisa’s place quite yet, if anyone at all…  
… but that could’ve just been the anhedonia talking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I'm sorry, the old Luisa can't come to the phone right now. Why? Oh, cause she's dead!"


	3. Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was Laura Gomes, for better or for worse, in the good times and the bad ones too.

They said she had a choice.   
St. Louis, New York City, or Sacramento.  
She chose New York City.  
It was the easiest to hide in.  
Also, it could be fun,   
going from living in Florida her whole life to living in New York City.  
She couldn’t say she’d miss Florida, really,  
or her old life at all.  
Though, she would miss the beach.

She had the option to keep her first name.  
But, she didn’t want to.  
She never really liked it anyways.  
And besides, this was a fresh start,   
and she’d embrace it for all it was worth.

Her new name was Laura. Laura Gomes.   
She supposed she could get used to that,  
it was kind of nice, it kind of suited her.  
But it wasn’t just a new name,   
it was a new identity.   
She was Laura Gomes, for better or for worse,  
in the good times and the bad ones too.  
But Laura didn’t have any good times or bad times,   
or any times at all, yet.  
Laura was a clean slate that she could paint on with whatever colours she chose.

She chose to get her medical license back,  
they said that was possible.  
That was one thing she was actually very excited about, going back to work.  
She chose to live in a cute little brownstone on the Upper East Side,  
where she could walk to work everyday,  
and get food on the way at a different place each day.  
She chose not to cut her hair;   
as it was the one part of herself she still felt okay with,  
and that she didn’t feel ready to lose.  
But, she chose to try out bangs, why not?  
Bangs could be Laura’s thing. 

At least the ten pounds she’d gained from her medication were put to good use.  
The layer of extra weight sat over her bones like a blanket,   
covering up her old identity.   
She was Laura Gomes now.   
She weighed 140 pounds,  
she had bangs,   
and she loved street burritos,   
though she probably shouldn’t be eating them if she wanted to lose ten pounds.  
She was choosing to embrace her life as Laura,  
she didn’t have to, but she wanted to.  
It was her choice.


	4. Confidence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whether she was Luisa or Laura, New York or Florida, at the core of her being, she would always love Rose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You're in my heart, you're in my mind  
> Everywhere ahead, everywhere behind  
> Every turn I take,  
> You're right around the bend  
> It's like your ghost is chasing me  
> When I'm awake, when I'm asleep  
> There's a part of you in every part of me  
> And I can't outrun you  
> I can't outrun you"

This wasn’t exactly what confidence looked like.   
Laura Gomes did not have the confidence Luisa Alver used to.  
Maybe she could though,  
if she almost introduced herself as her one more time.

Starting over was hard;   
welcomed and wanted, but certainly far from easy.   
She’d never been good at making friends,   
as a child or an adult,   
this wasn’t any different.   
No one really wanted to hang out with the new girl;  
even if the new girl wasn’t a dorky kid anymore,   
she was a grown woman, a doctor.  
She did love being able to say she was a doctor again.  
One of the only good things about Luisa Alver,   
the late and great,  
was that she used to be a doctor,  
many moons ago.

She used to be a lover, too,  
she used to have a great love.   
It bothered her everyday, like a stubborn itch that she couldn’t scratch,  
that she couldn’t call Rose.   
She knew the number off by heart,   
the extension and all,  
the same way she still knew the constellations sprinkled in the stars over her love’s shoulders.   
Rose would probably be wondering why she stopped calling so abruptly.  
Didn’t she still love her?  
Didn’t she still care?  
Of course she did, she tried to stop, more times than she could count.   
It never worked.   
Whether she was Luisa or Laura,   
New York or Florida,  
at the core of her being,  
she would always love Rose.

She delivered a lot of babies, albeit lost a few too,  
made some real friends, to her surprise,   
embraced the New York life for all it was worth.  
She developed a real love for Italian food,  
conquered her fear of heights,  
became an expert on mastering public transit,   
and walking long distances in heels.   
She kept the bangs,  
lost the extra weight,  
worked her way up the AA ladder.   
She had really come to her own as Laura,   
she was actually really, really happy.   
This was exactly what confidence looked like.   
Until she opened the door that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I WAS REALLY PLANNING on updating this yesterday and being all "oh look the Friday Night Cliffhanger™" but... now... it's Saturday... Weeeell, there's the Saturday Night Cliffhanger™.... check back on Tuesday to see who's at the door!


	5. Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Afraid of the idea, afraid of the real face underneath the mask she’d just come eye to eye with, afraid to ride this tumultuous rollercoaster again, afraid to get hurt again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it appears I've flipped to a Wednesday/Saturday schedule now... okay... anyways!

Her hands shook.   
In itself, that was far from a rare occurrence, her hands shook often,  
an unsettling side effect of her medication that was only getting worse,  
but right now it was more than a muscle spasm.   
They were shaking because she recognized the woman standing on her doorstep,  
and her heart had hopelessly fallen through the floorboards.

She hadn’t aged because she wasn’t real,  
her eyes and her hair exactly the same,  
and a luminous smile, that released a familiar, thick Southern accent from its gates.  
It could be said that she was timeless,   
but the feelings she brought back weren’t.  
A hatred burned inside Laura, a candle lit when fire met fire,  
Susanna Barnett was not the woman she wanted,   
she never had been. 

And she bought donuts,   
the audacity.   
How did she even find her, she wasn’t supposed to be able to find her?  
Her whole cover was blown now, her whole life as Laura just… done,   
she’d been exposed as the fake that she was.  
Luisa Alver was risen from the dead. 

Susanna was just as fake as Laura was,  
a cover for a cowardly woman underneath.   
That woman was the one she wanted to see,  
the one that, admittedly, she would be happy to see even just once more.  
Not Susanna, she didn’t want to see Susanna,   
she’d been content with the idea of never seeing Susanna again,  
but Rose;  
the one person she’d thought about every day for the past three years,  
the one person that made the transition from Luisa’s life to Laura’s...

Even still, she told herself that she didn’t want her here,   
and she told her to get out.  
Whether it was the truth or not,  
she slammed the door in her face,  
left her outside in the cold New York winter,  
with her donuts that she could take back to Florida with her,  
or whatever hole she had crawled out of.  
She slammed the door on the possibility of ever getting that part of herself back,  
that part of Luisa, anyways.   
Laura hadn’t known true love like that,  
and she was afraid to, so it seemed.   
Afraid of the idea, afraid of the real face underneath the mask she’d just come eye to eye with,  
afraid to ride this tumultuous rollercoaster again,  
afraid to get hurt again.  
She slammed the door to protect herself,  
to protect Laura and all that she was, had been, and could be.   
And her hands shook.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... that wasn't nice, Laura... I don't like Susanna either but...


	6. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why had she fought so hard, harder than she had ever fought for anything truthfully, to get this in return?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of perspective on Rose's side of this... er, Susanna's. Interesting to see how she reacts to the events of the last and finally reuniting with Luisa... er, Laura. 
> 
> (I wrote this part at my friend's university, half sitting in a pub and the other half in some university commons while she was in class... I was that girl sitting in the pub at 2 in the afternoon writing poetry and overhearing some weird guys talk American politics)

The cold hurt.  
New York didn’t have warmth the way she was used to in Florida,  
and Laura didn’t have warmth the way she was used to in Luisa.   
Who was that she’d just encountered behind that door?   
She almost didn’t recognize her.  
That didn’t familiar, that didn’t feel like her love. 

That woman looked like her love, at least for the most part.   
The bangs were new and she’d have to get used to them,   
but that was the only noticeable physical difference about her.   
Aside from the cold, cold front,  
that was so, so unlike her.

Luisa was warmth and sunshine,   
and trouble and turmoil and tribulation,   
and laughter and genuine empathy,  
all tied together with an incredibly strong string.   
And Laura… wasn’t.   
Rose wasn’t sure what she was, yet, but she wasn’t Luisa,  
and that gave her very conflicting feelings. 

On some level she was almost angry;  
she’d worked so hard trying to find her,   
for such a long time,  
because she loved her, and she wanted to get back to her,  
And what was it all for?   
Why had she fought so hard,   
harder than she had ever fought for anything truthfully,   
to get this in return?  
Had she been fighting this whole time for a person who didn’t even exist anymore,  
a ghost long gone? 

And now what was she supposed to do?   
She’d never been in this position before.  
She came all the way here, wearing this stupid itchy mask of all things,  
and Laura didn’t even want her.   
She didn’t even want to see her, hear her out, give her a hug…  
She rejected her.   
For once, Luisa was the one rejecting her.   
Or rather, Laura was.   
She wanted to love Laura,   
the way that she had loved Luisa,  
but it was hard. 

But she’d fought this hard for this long.  
She’d combed through the police databases endlessly, using her Susanna Barnett magic,  
and then came to New York, bought donuts, and knocked on her door.  
She’d come too far to give up now.  
Even though the cold hurt.


	7. Hour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She just wanted the only person who truly understood her back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reunited at laaaaast. 
> 
> (Yup, wrote this one in a hotel room, on a couch I was sharing with my grandma, over Easter... totally not weird!)

All it would take was one, golden hour,   
and Rose swore she could make it work.  
With the help of her best frenemy, Susanna Barnett, that was.

She swore she didn’t plan it this way,  
She was minding her own business, in her hotel room overlooking Central Park,   
flipping through the Yellow Pages,  
looking for Chinese takeout (...Luisa’s favourite),  
when she found the number for Dr. Gomes,   
Upper East Side’s resident OBGYN superstar.   
She’d always known Luisa was meant to shine.

Now, she found herself in a paper gown, sitting cross-legged on an examination bed,  
waiting.  
She had ovarian cysts that needed attention,   
and she had read in the Yellow Pages that Dr. Gomes was the best.   
The things love made you do, right?  
Or desperation.   
It was more likely desperation. 

Laura’s voice falters as soon as she reads her patient’s name out loud,  
Susanna just greets her with a big, fake smile.   
And Laura groans. She has nowhere to be for the next hour,  
except in here, “examining Susanna Barnett’s ovarian cysts”.  
Luisa would’ve jumped at the chance to be alone with Rose, in her office in solitude,  
and Rose knew that, because she would’ve jumped at the chance too.  
She still would.

She just needed Laura to talk to her, please,  
give her a chance.  
When did she decide she was done, at what point?  
And why, what had she done?   
And what could she do to fix it?  
Because she had missed her, and she loved her, damnit.   
She was the only good thing in her miserable life! 

And when Laura cried, Rose wanted to cry.   
Watching her wipe at her runny makeup with navy painted nails,  
her guard was down.   
It was too much effort to keep this act going,   
pretend she didn’t want Rose more than anything,   
even in that damn mask she hated.  
Even if she wasn’t ready to let her in romantically again,   
she just wanted her in her life.   
She just wanted the only person who truly understood her back.

So, after talk and tears, the usual, they did what they did best.  
When her clothes were off, it turned out Laura and Luisa were still very much the same,  
and Rose enjoyed her just as much as she used to; more, even.  
All it had taken was one, golden hour.


	8. Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This wasn’t a Luisa and Rose arrangement, this was Laura and Susanna.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry we're a little late tonight! This is the second last chapter, so enjoy! The last part will go up on Wednesday...

They could stay here, just them two..  
Laura had made a life for herself here and it was great,  
and she didn’t want to let it go now and Rose didn’t want her to either,   
she liked that Laura had a life here.   
She just wanted to be a part of it,   
if that wasn’t too much to ask.

She had to understand though,  
she couldn’t expect Luisa back.   
Luisa was gone, and she wasn’t coming back to say hi to Rose,  
much less pack her boxes and move in with her.   
And there was much, much more differentiation between Laura and Luisa  
than there ever had been between Susanna and Rose,  
there were no blurred lines, no mask that she could just take off when she felt like it.  
This wasn’t a Luisa and Rose arrangement,  
this was Laura and Susanna.   
This wasn't them,  
but it was as close as they could currently get.  
And they’d take it.

Susanna Barnett was the NYPD’s newest hire,  
they were impressed by her resume,   
especially her work with the Sin Rostro case.   
She instantly became well liked by her superiors and her subordinates–  
Rose’s charm certainly did not go away when she put on her Susanna face.  
Again, the difference between Laura and Susanna;  
Laura was so much more than a face. 

It bothered her at times more than it ever bothered Rose,  
She had never been uncomfortable with Laura,  
she liked the life she had built literally from nothing,  
and she liked the person she had become.  
She liked it until Rose met her.   
She was confident, until she wasn’t alone anymore.

But Rose reassured her that she liked Laura for who she was, who she had become.  
She liked her tough exterior,  
she didn’t let people walk all over her the way Luisa had.   
She liked that she was so grounded,  
she didn’t sway, the way Luisa had.   
She knew what she wanted and she knew who she was and who she wasn’t,  
And she was sober, that was a plus.   
Her bangs… Rose likes to tease her about those,  
but that didn’t matter.   
She loves Laura for who she is. 

But she also loves Luisa.   
And Laura also loves Rose.  
So sure, they could stay here, just them two.   
Or they could run away, and be their true selves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Susanna Barnett and her work with the Sin Rostro case" Susanna you're such a little shit.


	9. Luisa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _She_ was good.  
>  And _she_ had to come back at some point, Laura wasn’t meant to last forever.  
>  Was anything?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter guys! Appropriately, on the 4th of July, aka Rose and Luisa met today day! 
> 
> All's well that ends well, my friends. Thank you for following on this journey with me, Laura, Luisa, Rose, and Susanna. I hope to be back soon with more stories, I'll see you all next week for the Roisa Fic Week! (And in the meantime, if you're a Timeless fan, I've got a few fics in the works there) ♡

Luisa Antonia Alver.  
Age 48.   
Blossom Village, Cayman Islands; the perfect place for a lifelong, lovers’ rendezvous.  
Retired obstetrician/gynecologist.   
Tan skin, brown eyes,  
brown hair, short to her shoulders with outgrown bangs;  
she felt okay with more parts of herself than just her hair now,   
she was ready to lose a lot more than that.  
5 feet 3 inches tall.  
Reborn on April 28th,  
the day her and Rose decided it was time to be themselves again.

Though it seems contradictory,  
Laura truly was liberation;  
until she wasn’t any longer.   
She was a fresh start, a collection of untouched paints, feet on solid ground, face in the wind,  
until she wasn’t any longer.  
This wasn’t her funeral, by any means,  
and this wasn’t her morphing back into the girl she used to be;  
but it took being Laura for her to see that being Luisa wasn’t so bad.  
Laura was good, and Luisa was good too.  
 _She_ was good.  
And _she_ had to come back at some point, Laura wasn’t meant to last forever.  
Was anything?

Love was.   
She wasn’t sure of a whole lot, but she was kind of sure of that.  
Rose’s love was.

Fort Lauderdale, a lifetime ago, had been a city of love for them,  
Fireworks and the fourth of July, a rooftop pool and wet, steamy kisses.  
Miami, secrets hidden under sheets,   
giggles and snuggles, and love.  
And then there was Manhattan, a city where everyone wore some sort of mask,   
including them.  
They’d had enough, they just wanted to be together without anything being in the way,   
for just once in their lives.

Laura took an early retirement;  
she signed the papers with hands that would not stop shaking,  
from nerves, too, but more likely myoclonus.   
And Susanna moved on to noodle bigger fish,  
still chasing the ever elusive Sin Rostro,   
so she said.

And Sin Rostro was chasing the love of her life, across the beach at sunset.  
She wraps her arms around her waist and spins her around, laughing.  
They made it.  
Luisa Antonia Alver,  
and Clara Rose Ruvelle.


End file.
